My 3 busy kids

Kevin and Scotty are finding their way into the routine of a once a day argument. It typically is Scotty irritated about something and then doing his best to get on Kevin's nerves. Or Kevin does get irriated over the littlest sound and jumps all over Scotty's case. But overall I think they get along very well. And I am seeing first hand how important their normal, healthy relationship is, even though they bicker. It is apart of what it helping Kevin make it through this. They are boys, and especially Scotty and Jake are very energetic. Kevin is too weak to have much energy to keep up for the most part but he does play the DS with Scotty and they watch lots of movies together. Every now and then they even argue about what the movie is about if Kevin thinks Scotty isn't getting it.

Aunt Beth is a big help this week. The boys are loving having her around. Though Kevin has made it very well known he wishes Jack, Sam and Uncle JP could have come too. Kevin loves having everyone all together. He amazes me with his sense of family at such an young age. I too am enjoying a chance to spend time with my sister in-law that I don't think we have ever gotten in the almost 6 years I have been married to her brother. I am glad this week has turned out to be an easy one.

I go through spurts of grieving about the loss of my son's health, though I believe it will eventually be okay (never normal or healthy the way it should be, but it will probably be okay someday). I think yesterday I was having a moment and grieving for the close knit family I really wish I had sometimes. I am pretty close with my middle sister and my stepmom is great too, but I think this is too much on most of the family. It just causes me to be sad sometimes. The family situation I came from has been so splintered for so many decades, I am beginning to give up hope on it and just believe it is beyond repair. It also is lack of a mother whom should know me best when I am feeling the world on my shoulders and it is that missing piece that sometimes hits me like a ton of bricks, usually in the moments when I am scrambling to figure out how best to protect and nurture my own 3 children through this very unstable time that causes most of my anxiety. Relinquishing any one of my children doesn't seem to be what is best for Kevin, Scotty or Jake. Though I have had to on occasion, I think God meant them to be a package deal which for the most part makes it pretty inconvenient for everyone else.

I am very appreciative to Eric's sister and Mike's sister whom have been a great supporters to all of us and I have been blessed to have a husband who has been pretty understanding through all of this so I know all is not bad. Eric has been great too in taking a very active role. But I think one of the jobs of mom in coordination of care and that sometimes is overwhelming when you feel like you have to burden a bunch of people with asking/begging for help. I so appreciate all of you who help keep me going when these blues hit.

I am becoming more and more of the belief that families are best when they are together. I can see first hand here at St. Jude that families can heal a sick child if they are able to come together. I hope I am raising Kevin, Scotty and Jake to stand by each other through thick and thin no matter what, no matter how bad the timing. I hope I will always be able to to be there for them in their time of need.



Rachel